Honestly, today, I am overwhelmed. I am searching for my peace in Christ, which I did a pretty great job maintaing in the days prior to last night. I'm trying to push back all the negative thoughts and emotions, but it's also resulted in my pushing back all of the yucky work I have to do too. Everything feels so fuzzy in my mind. Opaque and uncertain. I am trying to rush through everything with the mentality that I'm taking it slow and being still. I'm overanalyzing everything to the point where I'm not sure what I think anymore. I'm letting things get to me, plaque up my heart and weigh down my soul. I can feel myself becoming heavier and heavier and addition to all the mental and physical clutter I lag around, I feel like I'm dragging myself as well.

 I feel like I just need to breathe.

And getting away for a bit would be nice too. I honestly cannot wait until Campus Harvest because a life transformation is something I need. I want to feel renewed, like I have a fresh start, a clear mind, soul, and conscious. I AM READY!!! Until then, I am going to just work on building up my spiritual warrior on the inside of me and appreciate each day for the magnificence it is in God's glory. I'd been doing really well about not sweating the small stuff... which is just about everything in this life. So I don't intend to let it keep me down now! I need to return to Psalm 46:10 and really meditate in the word this week, and I shall! Lent starts on Wednesday and I feel like this year it's vital that I choose something really big to give up. I want to fast from something that has a stronghold over me, so that I am really broken down and made and kept vulnerable and weak so that I keep my concentration affixed on God and can really listen to what He is saying to me.

In church we are covering a series on faith, which is perfect for me right now, to be honest. My mom just bought me a beautiful new journal, which I am going to make the conscious effort to write in daily because I feel like things are so much clearer to me when they are written down. Verbal words are not my forte.

Despite everything running ramped in my mind, this weekend really was wonderful. It started off with me eating at a new Mediterranean restaurant on campus called Grip, with a cute little lady named  Rebecca who I truly admire! She has such a sense of respect for herself and her happiness, which really is something to be fascinated by.

 Then, that afternoon, Victoria and I went to the Botanical Gardens to take some "not so surprise" photos of one of my first friends at college, Elizabeth, and her boyfriend Jay! She had planned a cute surprise shoot for their 1 year anniversary, but he caught on a little quicker than we'd hoped!  Regardless, we had so much fun with these two!

I'm so blessed to have such a sweet, funny, and playful business partner and best friend. And though it may seem like all we do is goof around... we did get a few good shots of the sweet, sweet couple in there too ;)

Afterwards, we met up with some amazing friends at my new favorite place: Brewed. It's this awesome coffee shop/ brewery with mouth watering sweet potato fries - and let me tell ya, I've had my fair share of sweet potato fries.

Mirror pic in a bathroom taken by two photographers. Can I get a triple whammy?! But then you see how beautiful the mirror and bathroom are and how magical this place is and you can't help but forgive us and love us again, right?!

It was such a fun time with Mandeep and Naureen, two beautiful people who I rarely get to see. Mandeep is basically the next President and filled us in on his encounter with Jay-Z --- seriously, the fist bumped and Naureen told us all about-- well a lot of things. Naureen is like me hahaha we tend to talk, a lot. We enjoyed our conversation over featured delicious Korean BBQ sliders, Gourmet Mac & Cheese, Vegetable Soup (Victoria said yay, Naureen said Nay) and my amazing sweet potato fries (Mandeep got the regular fries, which weren't bad but seriously, common! SWEET POTATO FOR THE WIN!) We also had this delicious Leprechaun apple cider wine, that actually makes me think there's hope for me to one day leisurely enjoy the beverage. And last but not least, we might have met the coolest person on the face of the earth. He was our waiter and I have no clue what his name was and I, regretfully, didn't snag a photo with him of his incredible tattoo. Like seriously, my new favorite person. LEMME TELL YA WHY:

He had this beautiful tattoo of three apertures on his left arm. Unknowingly, I asked if he was a photographer. He responded with an obvious yes, haha, but my curiosity only stemmed from there. One of the apertures was red, while the other two appeared to be black in the dim lit venue (I later on found that one was purple). He explained to me that the three apertures represented the Holy Trinity. The first, the red, stood for the blood of Christ. The middle one was purple, standing for loyalty. And the last one was wide and black, representing how he needed to keep his focus on God, allowing everything else in the background to be blurred out. This was the general gist of what he told us. There was definitely more in depth things he said, but I can't remember it all. All I know is that's now officially the most beautiful, meaningful tattoo I've ever seen. LOVE. 

[ imagine picture of me and sweet souled waiter with beautiful, inspiring tattoo here ]

 On Saturday, Victoria and I had to take a few group photos in the morning in Dallas. It was freezing, so afterwards we went to get something hot for our bellies!

We found ourselves nestled into Opening Bell Coffee, with two warm mugs of frothy, Vanilla Chai Tea! It was definitely a nice little place to step back and relax on a foggy, chilly day.

Later on that day, I got to spend some time with my mommy which included a few of my favorite things: hot tea (courtesy of Beep, also known as Rebecca mentioned earlier), McDonald's apple pie, and gold foiled cards! <3

Here's to an awesome week. I hope all of you have one too! <3

Thankful (a week in photos)

Today was an absolutely lovely day spent in Dallas with one of my best friends Monica, and her lovely friends Kathleen and Emily, as an extended celebration of her 21st birthday. It was such a refreshing day, spent out of the mundane. Bishop Arts District always makes me feel at home. It's filled with creatives, quirky shops, art pieces, music, murals, delicious restaurants, and couples getting their photos taken. Today was no different! It started off with chicken and waffles, brisket hash, huevos rancheros, coffee, & beignets at Oddfellows. 

Afterwards, we walked around Bishop Arts a bit and I finally found We are 1976!!!! Thanks to Mon's keen eye. Let me just tell you, this place is like a little piece of heaven. I walked in and my face literally lit up. I instantaneously felt at home. Like, really. If you know me, you know I'm all about that stationary and office accessory life. Throw in some eclectic touches & a few Rifle Paper Co items and you've officially captured my heart. 

Unfortunately, we had to cut our time at heaven on earth short to go see a wonderful movie called Silver Linings Playbook. We moseyed on down to The Angelika, which is actually a really comfortable movie theatre. Worth the $8 matinee fee. Not to mention the quality of the film. Loved it. The message of the film was beautiful and really encouraged me to look at Sundays in a new light. Instead of the day before dreaded Monday, it gave me a new perspective on being a day to reflect on everything to be thankful for in week you're leaving behind. It also gave me the thought of each Sunday being the start of something new; something that can be filled with countless opportunities. Something to be excited about.

We walked around and stopped by a few more shops in Mockingbird. Got some lovely navajo hipster house shoes and a cute blazer at UO and fell in love with the Signature and Indigo Waters scents at Franchesca's! Can't wait to get them!

Exactly a week ago, ironically enough, I was also in Bishop Arts, for Monica's 21st birthday! We had a delicious dinner at Eno's where I ate Pasta Carbonara. It was incredibly cheesy and rich, filled with pancetta, basil, and red pepper, simply delicious.

So glad that in addition to the yumminess, I got to spend some time with some girls I'm incredibly grateful for. After eating, Janie, Victoria, Laura and I walked around a bit and ended up going to try some new delicacies at Dude, Sweet. They never cease to amaze me with their uniquely constructed dark chocolates. If you haven't gone there, you definitely should! I dont know where else you can try chocolate with chipotle, or roses, or blue cheese. Trust me, it's all good. And I don't even like dark chocolate. 

 

Another great thing that happened this week?! I got my camera back!!! As most of you probably don't know, I FINALLY got my Mark 5D II, but it immediately had a few issues. After sending it back, my baby came home to me! Since I don't have a shoot til next weekend, I couldn't wait to try it out with some natural light! So I took a few photos of myself near one of our larger windows.

Another thing I'm thankful for this week? My new mentee Jihee! I am in love with her! We are incredibly similar and after only spending a couple hours together, it felt like we'd been friends for quite some time. Here are a few photos from our mentee/mentor lunch date that you definitely should not judge me for (:

 

I'm also thankful for... a few additional healthy snacks this week!!! My dad put our magic bullet to good use and made two delicious fruit juices today. They are seriously so scrumpdiliumptious. I can't stop drinking them all up! And he sweetened them with Agave instead of sugar so I feel even healthier about my decision!

 

Also, had to give a shoutout to Starbuck's Perfect Oatmeal because... hello, it's perfect. 

And here's a random picture of my best friend because I think it might embarrass him!

& finally I'll leave you with this beautiful message. Hope you all have a great week! 

Have heart.

There's a young man in my neighborhood named Chris. Ever since we moved here, when I was in first grade, I've spotted Chris wandering throughout the streets of our neighborhood and the connecting few. I honestly feel like this boy, who I've maybe exchanged 5 words with, has made quite a big impact on my life and has taught me a lot, without telling me anything. The interesting about Chris is that every time I see him, he's holding a bouquet of flowers. Sometimes he's just sitting on the sidewalk of the main road, holding his flowers. Or standing there with his flowers in hand, waving as cars pass by. He also works at the neighborhood Kroger from time to time, which is probably how I know his name. I think about him quite a lot and wonder why he always has flowers in hand. It's so obvious that there's something Chris knows, that I don't. But, it's honestly one of my lifelong desires to pause whatever's going on in my life, just one day, stop the car, and go talk to Chris and find out about his story. I've come up with countless reasons for why he holds those flowers, where he gets them, and who he's waiting for, but there's still this unquenchable curiosity of what the true story really is. Honestly, I fear that it's something traumatic, which is also a reason I've never actually stopped to ask him. And I'm also afraid that he's not willing to accept the truth of whatever's really happened, hence him always standing on the side of the road, holding flowers, seemingly waiting for someone who's yet to come 13 years later. But regardless of the countless things I've come up with, every time I see him, he has the biggest smile on his face. Even if it's cold, come rain or shine, he waves and smiles as if there isn't a thing in the world to be worried about. He has this incredibly positive attitude and I can just tell that he has the hugest, happiest heart. Though seeing him always sends my mind on a trip down Wonder Lane, it always brightens up my day. It's funny how without even speaking to a person, you can see their heart. You can tell so much simply through their actions, their attitude, the way they carry themselves, or just how they stand on the sidewalk holding a bouquet of flowers, waving at every new friend that passes by.

A time for reflection.

Today, I was able to appreciate a good cup of tea and a good blog post. A good blog post always ignites something in me. I'm so fortunate to be surrounded by constant sources of inspiration and to know and admire so many people who fuel my spirit and uplift me to such great heights. Speaking of heights, I really appreciate this Healthy Alpha Chi Challenge. I've been wanting to get into shape and this might actually give me the motivation to do it. It was such a great idea by Stephany. (above picture inspired by Beep... and by inspired I mean I went to my kitchen to get the same thing because her picture made me want it too. Gluttony; bad Kelsey.)

Today, I also sit back and appreciate the commonalities I'm able to share with people. From the desires of our hearts, to thinking the same things at the same time, similar music preferences, or even  a laugh. I also take a moment to appreciate my friendship circles. I am so excited about our female Bible study this semester in particular. I know my heart is something that needs softening, that yearns and flinches at the the thought of vulnerability, which is precisely what I'm focusing on working on this year. Throwing myself into those uncomfortable situations, being open inwardly, instead of outward (which I may be a little too comfortable with).

I'm also very excited about the new relationships which are currently forming in my life. I've met and am getting to know so so so so many wonderful people on a more personal level in such a short period of time. In the past week, my heart really has been filled with so much joy just from connecting with new friends. I'm so appreciative that I've gotten the chance to make new relationships, even if I don't have much time left here... this semester really might be all I have left in town. I'm not sure. It's sad, slightly scary, and thrilling. My biggest fear isn't what I'll be doing, it's really that I'll just end up staying here and not pursuing any dreams. One of the biggest desires of my heart is to travel, but I feel restricted and alone in the sense that if I were to travel, it'd be on my own. And honestly, I don't know how ready I am for that. But aside from these fears, I think God has big things in store for 2013. He knows the desires of my heart and I just need to trust in Him. I absolutely have no clue what's going to happen. This year has already been a big shock for me, but I'm trying to live in faith instead of fear (of disappointment, really). I've been doing pretty well, but I think we all have those moments when it comes creeping in.

Another thing I've been very thankful for are devotionals. They really help to keep my mind on the right track and help me to stay in tune with God throughout the day. The maker of the Youversion Bible App... genius.

In addition, the kindness of people. I have a thing for messaging strangers I don't know but that have inspired me in some way, just to let them know that I think they're awesome and time and time again they return words of encouragement back to me! It's so beautiful :') Though I do sometimes not receive any response, the ones I do are so rewarding that it really doesn't bother me at all. I feel like I've achieved small victories each time one of my self proclaimed "celebrities" gets back in contact with me.

I'm overall pretty content with life right now. Though I do have my moments where I'm impatient and wish for this or that, I like the feeling of sitting at the steps with limitless possibilities. I feel like my heart is really on the line here, ready to be molded and transformed. I'm looking at everything as an opportunity; to grow, to learn, to love. I leave you with this picture of me, because why not? It's my blog.

 Have a great weekend everyone!

Passionate

At this point in my life, I feel like I've been dealt a hand of adversity. Not to be mistaken with a bad hand. It's a good hand. A hand that allows me to stop, think, learn and grow. What would that be? A full house? All 7's? I don't know; I've never played poker. A hand of adversity can often seem to be a bad hand though, if you don't have the right mindset; if you don't understand God's plan for your life. But if you put your faith in him and take a moment to reflect on Psalm 46:10 {Be still and know that I am God.} you might learn to feel differently. That's what I did this weekend. I took a step back. I chose not to focus on my anger and direct my energy to focus on God and what He was saying to me. I chose to pay attention to his signs and the small convictions in my heart. And when I chose to ignore them, well He stepped in anyways and made me listen. It was nice. I love those times when I can stop and laugh and say "Okay, Father! I hear you now." So that's what I did this weekend. And what he showed me was a whole bunch of adversity. He also showed me how if I deal with it properly, with His word in my thoughts and in my heart, this adversity can be translated into a whole bunch of growth. Sometimes, it's easy to get distracted with our own agendas and forget what our purpose is here. We are allowed to be upset, because even our God gets angry. We are allowed to be hurt, because even our God becomes disappointed. But these things don't give us excuses to forget our purpose, to bring glory to Him. A hand of adversity doesn't give us the right to give up, because God told us there would be trials along the way. They threw stones and cursed at the Most Holy, I should not be surprised at the things they'll try to throw my way. But I reassuringly find my peace in the Most High and his promises. There are no spoilers, just little hints and whispers about which way to go. The endings aren't revealed to you like in a movie or a short novel, but instead more like a series. Like a Harry Potter Series, but the books really don't stop coming. I'm just really grateful that I took time out to be still. I hope to engage in this so much more because it really is so much easier to hear God's voice when you're not allowing yourself to be polluted with so many distractions.

Another thing God's put on my heart that's been especially apparent recently is passionate people. I've always known I was passionate about them, but I never really formed it into an idea. I recently recognized the reoccuring pattern and I feel like just knowing what's been put on my heart gives me so much more clarity. I feel as if every time I tell people I'm passionate about passionate people, it just makes no sense. Like people nod and tell me it makes sense and that they understand but I don't think they do. I am seriously overwhelmingly passionate about passionate people. I feel like I'll never be able to convey it to the point where I feel that it's truly understood. I can literally feel as a certain spot in my heart turns soft and tender as I encounter someone who's incredibly passionate about what they're doing. But that's not to say any type of passion. People can be passionate about a lot of things that don't give anything back, that don't pay anything forward. However, when you can tell someone is doing something they love out of pure love, to touch hearts, to encourage people, not the fame or the money or the status, it's just so beautiful and moving. I've met so many people that inspire me from the core, that keep me passionate about passionate people and I'm so thankful for that.

Contrary to popular belief of those who don't know me very well, I'm honestly not a very nice person. I'm not a BAD person. I'm just really not nice. I can be nice, but at my core I'm not flowers and daisies. At my core I'm full of truth and letting it be known. If you're an amazing person, I'll go to no ends to make sure you're recognized for those traits that make you who you are. If you're not so amazing of a person... well honestly I want that to be known too, but I'm doing my best to allow my Savior to transform my mindset and in turn transform my heart. At my core, I'm full of passion and desire to do more with myself and my life and that same desire for others. I'm full of desire for transformation and mindboggling miracles. Desire for warm hearts full of love. Desire of endless joy. At my core I'm an honest person who hungers for truth and justice alongside love and peace. I'm someone who desires and demands respect along with harmony and understanding. I feel like if you understand my fundamentals, then you'd have no trouble understanding why I will forever love One Republic. Please don't even get me started on Ryan Tedder! A man full of passion and talent! A constant source of inspiration for me. From Goodbye Apathy to Secrets to Feel Again, he and his magical team of musicians constantly deliver. I mean, honestly how can you love passion and truth and not love One Republic? I don't need you to answer that! This post has obviously taken a turn for the RANDOM! I tried to keep it cohesive but perhaps my mind isn't a cohesive unit. Something else I'm working on :)