An idea I've struggled with in the past year is that of taking risks. I've toyed with the ideas of the "gut feelings," "the little voice in your head," and good and bad "vibes" but I'm still very uncertain about it all. I believe in the Holy Spirit acting in you because I've felt it before. And yes, I often do have a little voice in my head that I admittedly, sometimes listen to and sometimes ignore. But I've had trouble distinguishing it from things I desire and things God is telling me to do or not to do. Some days I have extreme moments of clarity and other days it comes back to a state of confusion. How can something that seems like an incredible mistake end up being an amazing gift from God? How does that gut feeling sending you warning signs translate into God transforming your life into something beautiful or amazing? Before you even set your feet on this earth, He knew the plans He had for you. He knew your every move, step, triumph and fall. What if you take warning from that "gut feeling" that otherwise would have led to a struggle that lands you with an amazing blessing? Do you miss out on that opportunity? Or would the path have just been that much easier?  Why would you be warned not to do something that ultimately does end up leading you to good? I'm reading this book given to me by someone I consider a mentor, Emily. I believe I've mentioned her in my blog before and she's been nothing but a constant source of enlightenment and blessing in my life in the past few months. The book is called "In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day." It talks about how important it is to take risks. And guys, let me tell you that I am NOT a big risk taker. I'm a big opportunity seizer, but "RISKS"... If I consider it a risk, I'm probably not taking it... so how does that feeling of uneasiness, telling you to turn back and run in the other direction translate into the amazing things I know it often does? Is it separate from the little voice in your head? Is that voice cooing in your ear, offering words of certainty and encouragement as your stomach is doing flips? I'm sure these are questions you don't exactly have the answers to, but this is a very unclear thought cloud that's been looming above my head this past year. Or maybe it's been protecting me with my extremely populated thoughts. I wonder how many steps I take each day are blessings in disguise.

I feel as if I've grown so much

since I entered college. And of course, that's what you're supposed to do... but it's strange because I can actually remember specific moments where it was so incredibly obvious to met how much I've grown. I've learned to love more selflessly and appreciate more fully, to forgive more frequently, and to see things less black and white. I haven't mastered any of these areas, but my progress is definitely noticeable. I feel like I've become so much more mature in many aspects and have gained a deeper understanding of so many things. I have less fear and more faith. Less anxiety and more hope. I've been wanting to write about this for a while now, but at the time I'm so distracted by so many other thoughts. One thing I haven't be able to do --- slow down my mind. But this journey is something else. I'm mesmerized each day by the incredible people I meet. Their stories, their journeys, their strength, their laughter. Though things can be scary and sad and complicated and difficult, there's a silver lining that's still to be found. Perhaps the biggest part of life is the mystery of it all.