A time for reflection.

Thursday, January 31, 2013

Today, I was able to appreciate a good cup of tea and a good blog post. A good blog post always ignites something in me. I'm so fortunate to be surrounded by constant sources of inspiration and to know and admire so many people who fuel my spirit and uplift me to such great heights. Speaking of heights, I really appreciate this Healthy Alpha Chi Challenge. I've been wanting to get into shape and this might actually give me the motivation to do it. It was such a great idea by Stephany. (above picture inspired by Beep... and by inspired I mean I went to my kitchen to get the same thing because her picture made me want it too. Gluttony; bad Kelsey.)

Today, I also sit back and appreciate the commonalities I'm able to share with people. From the desires of our hearts, to thinking the same things at the same time, similar music preferences, or even  a laugh. I also take a moment to appreciate my friendship circles. I am so excited about our female Bible study this semester in particular. I know my heart is something that needs softening, that yearns and flinches at the the thought of vulnerability, which is precisely what I'm focusing on working on this year. Throwing myself into those uncomfortable situations, being open inwardly, instead of outward (which I may be a little too comfortable with).

I'm also very excited about the new relationships which are currently forming in my life. I've met and am getting to know so so so so many wonderful people on a more personal level in such a short period of time. In the past week, my heart really has been filled with so much joy just from connecting with new friends. I'm so appreciative that I've gotten the chance to make new relationships, even if I don't have much time left here... this semester really might be all I have left in town. I'm not sure. It's sad, slightly scary, and thrilling. My biggest fear isn't what I'll be doing, it's really that I'll just end up staying here and not pursuing any dreams. One of the biggest desires of my heart is to travel, but I feel restricted and alone in the sense that if I were to travel, it'd be on my own. And honestly, I don't know how ready I am for that. But aside from these fears, I think God has big things in store for 2013. He knows the desires of my heart and I just need to trust in Him. I absolutely have no clue what's going to happen. This year has already been a big shock for me, but I'm trying to live in faith instead of fear (of disappointment, really). I've been doing pretty well, but I think we all have those moments when it comes creeping in.

Another thing I've been very thankful for are devotionals. They really help to keep my mind on the right track and help me to stay in tune with God throughout the day. The maker of the Youversion Bible App... genius.

In addition, the kindness of people. I have a thing for messaging strangers I don't know but that have inspired me in some way, just to let them know that I think they're awesome and time and time again they return words of encouragement back to me! It's so beautiful :') Though I do sometimes not receive any response, the ones I do are so rewarding that it really doesn't bother me at all. I feel like I've achieved small victories each time one of my self proclaimed "celebrities" gets back in contact with me.

I'm overall pretty content with life right now. Though I do have my moments where I'm impatient and wish for this or that, I like the feeling of sitting at the steps with limitless possibilities. I feel like my heart is really on the line here, ready to be molded and transformed. I'm looking at everything as an opportunity; to grow, to learn, to love. I leave you with this picture of me, because why not? It's my blog.

 Have a great weekend everyone!


Monday, January 28, 2013

At this point in my life, I feel like I've been dealt a hand of adversity. Not to be mistaken with a bad hand. It's a good hand. A hand that allows me to stop, think, learn and grow. What would that be? A full house? All 7's? I don't know; I've never played poker. A hand of adversity can often seem to be a bad hand though, if you don't have the right mindset; if you don't understand God's plan for your life. But if you put your faith in him and take a moment to reflect on Psalm 46:10 {Be still and know that I am God.} you might learn to feel differently. That's what I did this weekend. I took a step back. I chose not to focus on my anger and direct my energy to focus on God and what He was saying to me. I chose to pay attention to his signs and the small convictions in my heart. And when I chose to ignore them, well He stepped in anyways and made me listen. It was nice. I love those times when I can stop and laugh and say "Okay, Father! I hear you now." So that's what I did this weekend. And what he showed me was a whole bunch of adversity. He also showed me how if I deal with it properly, with His word in my thoughts and in my heart, this adversity can be translated into a whole bunch of growth. Sometimes, it's easy to get distracted with our own agendas and forget what our purpose is here. We are allowed to be upset, because even our God gets angry. We are allowed to be hurt, because even our God becomes disappointed. But these things don't give us excuses to forget our purpose, to bring glory to Him. A hand of adversity doesn't give us the right to give up, because God told us there would be trials along the way. They threw stones and cursed at the Most Holy, I should not be surprised at the things they'll try to throw my way. But I reassuringly find my peace in the Most High and his promises. There are no spoilers, just little hints and whispers about which way to go. The endings aren't revealed to you like in a movie or a short novel, but instead more like a series. Like a Harry Potter Series, but the books really don't stop coming. I'm just really grateful that I took time out to be still. I hope to engage in this so much more because it really is so much easier to hear God's voice when you're not allowing yourself to be polluted with so many distractions.

Another thing God's put on my heart that's been especially apparent recently is passionate people. I've always known I was passionate about them, but I never really formed it into an idea. I recently recognized the reoccuring pattern and I feel like just knowing what's been put on my heart gives me so much more clarity. I feel as if every time I tell people I'm passionate about passionate people, it just makes no sense. Like people nod and tell me it makes sense and that they understand but I don't think they do. I am seriously overwhelmingly passionate about passionate people. I feel like I'll never be able to convey it to the point where I feel that it's truly understood. I can literally feel as a certain spot in my heart turns soft and tender as I encounter someone who's incredibly passionate about what they're doing. But that's not to say any type of passion. People can be passionate about a lot of things that don't give anything back, that don't pay anything forward. However, when you can tell someone is doing something they love out of pure love, to touch hearts, to encourage people, not the fame or the money or the status, it's just so beautiful and moving. I've met so many people that inspire me from the core, that keep me passionate about passionate people and I'm so thankful for that.

Contrary to popular belief of those who don't know me very well, I'm honestly not a very nice person. I'm not a BAD person. I'm just really not nice. I can be nice, but at my core I'm not flowers and daisies. At my core I'm full of truth and letting it be known. If you're an amazing person, I'll go to no ends to make sure you're recognized for those traits that make you who you are. If you're not so amazing of a person... well honestly I want that to be known too, but I'm doing my best to allow my Savior to transform my mindset and in turn transform my heart. At my core, I'm full of passion and desire to do more with myself and my life and that same desire for others. I'm full of desire for transformation and mindboggling miracles. Desire for warm hearts full of love. Desire of endless joy. At my core I'm an honest person who hungers for truth and justice alongside love and peace. I'm someone who desires and demands respect along with harmony and understanding. I feel like if you understand my fundamentals, then you'd have no trouble understanding why I will forever love One Republic. Please don't even get me started on Ryan Tedder! A man full of passion and talent! A constant source of inspiration for me. From Goodbye Apathy to Secrets to Feel Again, he and his magical team of musicians constantly deliver. I mean, honestly how can you love passion and truth and not love One Republic? I don't need you to answer that! This post has obviously taken a turn for the RANDOM! I tried to keep it cohesive but perhaps my mind isn't a cohesive unit. Something else I'm working on :)