Intentional

So this is an old post I wrote in the first couple of days of the new year. Some of these things, I'm still struggling with. Some of them, I've already taken leaps and bounds in accomplishing or overcoming. But some are still hard. Yet I take comfort; a soothing element coats my soul as I reread these words, am reminded of these truths, and relive these feelings. I'm not entirely sure why I let it sit in my drafts all this time, but these revelations moved me, and I want to share them with you.

January 4, 2015

There is so very much going on within me. So very much I want to say. So very much I currently feel. I'm honestly overwhelmed.

I'm hurting but I feel so blessed. I'm confused, yet I feel so astounded. 

I've found myself being hypocritical. I've come to the realization I was hurt others weren't taking me seriously, when mostly it's me who hasn't been taking me seriously. I've come to the realization that most importantly *I* have to believe. If I don't, it doesn't matter what anyone else around me does for or says to me. I have to believe in myself, not in my fears or insecurities. I've been afraid I can't do it. I've been afraid I can't live without. I can now see along with wanting others to be held accountable and to be intentional, I have to hold myself accountable with how I've allowed myself to be treated and how I've chosen to spend my time and with whom I've chosen to share my heart.

I have to know that I don't know it all. I never will. But that one false move isn't going to shake God's plan over my life. Life can be seen as a series of mistakes or a series of opportunities. If I fall, then what an opportunity I'll have to stand back up and make one hell of a story out of it.

I've realized in order to talk the talk, I've got to walk the walk. How inspirational will I be without experience? How far will my message go without having ever taken flight? Ultimately, it's time for action. Time to truly be intentional. This is my chance to take life by the reigns and own it. And by owning it, I totally mean, kicking, fighting, and experiencing it to the best of my ability, despite the ups, downs and times it tries to throw me out of this rodeo. (Is my Southern showing?)

SO LIFE IS CRAZY and I love it. Or maybe I'm just excited about things. Definitely both.

Today, I got to participate in some amazing worship and hear John Maxwell speak.

He said his word for the 2015 was INTENTIONAL. "All is well that begins well" as he put it. This is crazy because I feel like nearly every person I've spoken to regarding the issue, including myself, mentioned this word for 2015. I don't think it's a coincidence that I was literally connecting with my sweet new Rebecca for the first time today, only hours before and this was pretty much the entire basis of our whole heart to heart. Or than I sat only a few yards away with my beautiful sister Victoria Chapman a week before, with her saying the very same word and spiraling our discussion of so much more. I don't think it's a coincidence that so many people feel the need to have this wave and movement of actively putting authenticity into action. I don't think it's a coincidence that less people want to just be living for the heck of it, but living for a purpose. To make a difference in the lives of more than just themselves. In this specific moment I can name to you at least two or three handfuls of young ladies who are actively putting their dreams and hearts to work in this area and I am SO INSPIRED and grateful to be surrounded by and behind them in these steps. I'm also grateful that we have Godly women to look up to, who are willing to mentor us, and offer their time to listen and spread wisdom upon us.

John mentioned this verse today and it's (obviously) SO GOOD.

"You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot. You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven."

Have you thought recently about what an honor it is to be a vessel? Like wow. That GOD would CHOOSE to use YOU to carry out HIS plans? Singing Forever Yours as we closed tonight, reminded me of this sealed truth. Of what an extreme honor it is. "You saved me and I will be forever yours. You made me free to be forever yours." It just makes me feel so silly thinking of the things that hurt and are hard in this life. The things I'm scared to let go of, even though I hear God calling me. For every time I attempt to live for something other than Him, or act as the prodigal son and forget about how much higher His thoughts are than mine and how all things work together in favor of me.

Have you thought about what VALUE your life has to HIM? The plan He has for YOU? YOUR STORY in ALL of its entirety. Today, John told us to be intentional, we need to know God and to know how He works. He reminded us that Jesus LOVES people. He encouraged us to be FULLY SUBMERGED in HIS will for our lives. He reminded us to "Know God. Know He values you." and to "Know He will take care of you."

I hope you feel cherished, friends. I pray you feel called. That you are inspired. That you are drawn. That you know you are desired. That you believe there is so much in this life to be given to you and so much you have been called to give.

xx, sey